How many more?

How many more days of this will I have? I'm getting tired. :( Every waking moment is spent thinking of how to lose weight.

Date Night

It happens on a Friday night. Because there's nothing better than ending a stressful week at work than spending it with the one you love. And because you know how I've always felt cheated whenever everyone at work had plans and I didn't. So you'd give me this.

And you will impractically brave the traffic to fetch me from work, all the way from Fort to Manila. Because you know how much I love grand gestures and I'll find this gesture grand enough that you won't have to wait a minute more once you reach our company's compound. I'll be waiting for you by the gate, giddy and excited because it's been five days since we last saw each other. 

I'll let you pick where we eat because you gave me that choice the last time. Because that's what couples do, give and take. And I won't even complain about your choice. Because I will find you leading me to that restaurant that I told you about last week and said I wanted to try.

Dinner will be a simple affair. Because we don't need complicated foreign dishes like steak au poivre or cocido madrileno or prosciutto di parma. All we need are dishes that remind us of home. We'd eat with gusto, never mind that we just said last week that we'd have to start dieting. 

Afterwards, we'd walk, and we'd talk. Because we never run out of things to share with each other. We'd talk about work, family and friends. We'll build on our dreams and plans. We'd discuss our future. And if we ever do run out of things to say, we'll welcome the silence. Because just as we embrace the words and the thoughts between us, we are also content in just staying still, holding each other with the peace only love can bring.

And then you'll bring me home, and you'll probably stay for coffee because my parents invite you to. And then I'll lead you to door. But before you leave, I'll hold you back one last time. And I will tell you that I love you. 

And it's not because the night was perfect. Even if the night ended differently, probably with an argument over a petty thing but something that really mattered to us, I probably still would have told you that I love you. And I won't tell you because I had a great time. I could have done that dinner with friends but I wouldn't have told them I love at them. And I definitely would not tell you I love you because I think that's what you expect me to. You know I don't take things like this lightly.

I'd tell you that I love you because I just do. I just love you, simple and true.

2013

Every year, it's always been the same: read more, write more, save, lose weight. And every year, the result's the same.

So to shake things up a bit, I'll resolve to do one thing this year: to ACTUALLY accomplish those four things above. Hahahaha.

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And sometimes, I still wonder why some people call me weird. :p

Loneliness and weddings and everything else in between

For years, I've been content with compartmentalizing my relationships. I have a friend I can turn to for this, a friend I can turn to for that. But over the past few months, everything's changed, my world has shifted, I'll never be the same again.

I guess I'm already at that point in my life where I'm starting to look for that someone whom I can honest-to-goodness share my life with. Someone who will share it with me, no-holds-barred. Someone whom I can spend the rest of my life with.

And when you meet someone whom you think can potentially be that and later turns out not to be that is extremely disappointing.

Haaayyy. Weddings just do this to me.

Grand Gestures

I have an obsession with grand gestures.

It probably started when I was in Grade 6 when I had this ridiculously huge crush on a classmate. It was the first time I had a serious crush on someone. It was so ridiculous that I even used the numbers standing for his initials in my email address a year later (which I'm still using for my FB acount, btw).

He never gave me any indication that he liked me back but at the back of my mind, he was just waiting for the right moment to profess his undying love for me. So come Valentine's Day, I waited. This was a huge feat for me as I never mentioned this secret desire to anyone. It's like I was guarding this wonderful thing that I know would be happening and only I knew about it - so I waited. But it never came. That classmate never even came to class that day. He was from Cavite and since Valentine's Day was also Teachers' Day in our school, we only had to go to school for half-a-day. His parents probably thought that it was more practical for him to just stay at home rather than go to school and watch song and dance numbers for the teachers - it saves them effort and gas money that way.

You would probably think that after that miserable day when I was 12, I would have already learned my lesson. You'd think that it would be dramatic for my naive little heart that I'd be swearing off boys for the rest of my life. (Haha!) But it was just the opposite. The more they didn't happen, the higher my expectations became for the next possible moment. The fact that those grand gestures didn't come only fueled the desire for an even better moment. The more they didn't come, the grander I imagined they would be. Sadly, until now, I'm waiting for it to finally happen.

You'd probably think, I'm pathetic. And more often than not, I feel that way. Because realistically, how many times would these moments occur in a person's life? But I guess, when you've been waiting as long as I have, you don't think of waiting for it as crazy anymore. Because you know that when it comes, all the time you've spent waiting, all those times you've been disappointed, each and every one of those will be worth it.