I've just started working and although I'm still in the process of being trained for the actual work I'm eventually going to do, I'm starting to really feel inadequate. It's like 4thyr 1stsem all over again when a day goes by and I've understood not even a fraction of the things I'm supposed to understand. I'm learning a lot about stocks and derivatives and other financial whatnots everyday but compared to the things I still have to learn, they seem immaterial. The only difference between then and now is that now pretty much determines my future. There is less room for error and I'm kinda in this alone.
The only thing that's keeping me sane nowadays is the idea that although I haven't come out unscathed from college, I've come out alive and quite kicking. I managed to graduate on time and with honors. Now shouldn't be that much different. If not for that idea, I probably would have cried by now. But I have sort of promised myself that I will not cry and worry too much over this. Instead, I will study and I will research and I will do whatever it takes to do my job as best as I possibly can. I will send mantras of "I can do this!" to myself every minute. And I will not let anything deter me from hoping and hoping and hoping that eventually I'll be very good at this if not the best. I'm just at a disadvantage right now but I will not be for long. I will learn and I will adjust and some time from now, I will laugh at myself for thinking these things.
I have hope.
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