Thank God for tutoring!

Thank God for tutoring! Because if not for tutoring, I won't have money left from all the shopping I did. Hehe. And thank God that after 3 years, I'm really getting a hang of this thing. So yay!!!

Stirred

I was supposed to write a blog entry while I was halfway into reading Kate le Vann's Things I Know about Love. But then, Blogger acted up and decided it didn't want me to login so I just continued reading the story.

I was supposed to write about the merits of reading a novel where the reader is omniscient. But now that I actually finished reading the book (or rather, the e-book), I can't seem to string the words I've just been thinking around an hour ago. All I can say is that I loved the book and it really made me cry and I really loved the book. But oh! I already said that. And gah, I still want to cry just thinking about the story. :(

This is why I read

I just read Tweet Sering's Wander Girl. And out of all the Summit Books I've read, it has got to be the one that I love most.

Hilda, the protagonist, couldn't be any more different from me. But you could tell a good book in the way that it remains true and poignant to anyone who reads it, regardless of whether or not the reader should be able to relate to it or not.

These past few years, the best word to probably describe me is restless. I've been wanting a lot of things like crazy. I'm never sure if I'm at the right place. I'm not sure if where I'm going is where I actually want to head to. But this book has taught me to be hopeful, to have faith. That no matter where I am now, I am on the right track. Because as cliche as it may sound, I have faith that it's true.

fear

I'm scared.

I'm scared that I made the wrong decision. I'm scared that I chose the wrong path. I'm scared that I wasted better opportunities. I'm scared that I'm settling. I'm scared that I'm going to fail.

But I guess, above all else, rather than fear, what should stand out is faith.

So I'm claiming it. God has planned this for me. And I trust that everything will be for the best.

Jeremiah 29:11~

A New Day, Hopefully

Tomorrow, I'll be signing a piece of paper that will officially conclude my life as I have known it for the past 20 years. Tomorrow, I'll be signing a document that will officially make me the primary controller of my life. Tomorrow, I'll be embarking on my life as a professional.

Knowing these things just makes me nervous. I'll finally be taking charge of my life. Tomorrow will be the start of the life where I have to calculate every little thing I have to decide upon because after 20 years of having had to depend on my parents for many things, I'd finally be solely accountable for my actions.

At the same time, I am ecstatic. This is just the beginning. And tomorrow's the time when I'll finally start seeing my efforts coming into fruition. Tomorrow, I'm a big step closer to fulfilling my dreams.

And on top of everything, I'm scared. I'm scared of having made the wrong decision. I'm scared of not doing the right thing. I'm scared because I don't know everything that's going to happen in the future.

But then again, life's always going to be like that. There are really no guarantees, no certainties. I should know, as a statistician, I've been basing everything on uncertainty for the last four years. Each day is going to be a challenge, going to be a risk. And at the end of the day, it all boils down to faith: to believing that everything will turn out fine, that there's a reason for everything and each detail figures into one big plan, His one big plan.

I'm nervous and excited and scared. But most of all, I'm all set for this next ride.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

I will be brave.

It's weird how whenever I read the Formspring and Twitter accounts of this certain person, I seem to always want to do something about myself. And I actually mean that in a good way. You know how some people say that a certain person makes them want to be better versions of themselves? That's him for me. He's not supposed to really make me feel that way. I don't know him personally, for crying out loud. But no matter how delusional everything I'm saying sounds, I really like it.

I like how he makes me want to be brave and how he makes me want to go beyond my self-imposed limits. I like how he makes me want to believe that things that will make me happy are just out there waiting for me to discover them. I like how he makes me realize things about myself that I haven't thought of before. And he does all that without even knowing it. (And please, please, please don't ask me how EXACTLY I came up with all those things while stalking his social networking sites. I just do, okay?)

So I guess, even though I was expecting more when I saw the way he looks on TV (haha!), he'd always be that person I really admire. And one day, I'd be brave and get enough strength to meet him.

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So... I wasn't really expecting this post to go in that direction but I guess this is what blogging is all about: expressing yourself spontaneously. The entry I originally wanted to write would probably just have to wait for next time.

oOoOo

Weird, I've just read two young adult fiction books centered on studying abroad. And that wasn't even intentional. Makes me want to go tuloy on an AIESEC internship. I want to experience living abroad for a while. Also makes me wonder. Would I, like them, fall in love when I get there? Haha. It's really kinda bothering me. Haha. And now, I have to sleep.